twenty.

all of my life i’ve wanted to be someone. maybe not a miracle maker, but perhaps a pinch of a prayer. a soul shaker. risk taker. barrier breaker. you only weigh as much as your wings can hold. is my age a number? add a handful of zeros and you have one tenth of how many miles i’ve traveled in the past month. take a zero off the end of 20, and you get the number of real friends i probably have. twenty is also the number of days until i see my family. the number twenty isn’t just my age. it’s my life.

when waking up each and everyday…i open my eyes to an open sky. not literally of course, i prefer sleeping under a roof…but to a day of endless possibilities. who knows what the day holds. today could be a normal day. or today could be the day i look god in the eyes and shake his hand. 

growing up is a hard mirror to stare into. it’s like spilling all of your change on the floor, or like trying to ride your bike for the first time without training walls and falling down and scraping your knee. growing up is trying to remember your dreams when you wake up, and trying to determine which is reality and which is just a subculture of your inner mind. don’t we all want to be free??? as people is it more scary to die? or more scary to live? afterall..do we even know what is what and which is which?

“i will scream, i will scream until all my love is heard,

because underneath every voice is a mind.

you can dream, you can dream, but you’ll always just wake up…

until you find the strength to die.

that’s when you know that you’ve been alive.”

2010 here we come….

-alexander michael

p.s. 

“Happy Birthday.
Today, as most of you already probably know, is the birthday of Alex Deleon. I wasn’t going to post, but for those of you who don’t know who he is, you should be regretting never googling his name, because he’s a bright light. I guess he was the first person who ever really reached out and effected me with music. It wasn’t just voices on a cd, or guitar cords and drum beats. This guy - if you let him in, will take apart every inch of your soul and put it back together in such a way, that you never thought possible. He will haunt your heart forever, with his words, with his pressence and with his voice. 

His voice still gives me chills, and that he has a voice louder then anyone elses in the music industry. Please, just put aside the matching waist coats, and poptastic tunes and just listen. Once you hear what I heard - I know you won’t ever forget it. The band that he’s in, they’re lyrics - they are like spelt out monologues of everyday life. They’res no bullshit, or I dance around the club getting every girl I want. It’s like they’re lyrics are a piece of them to hold, a piece of them that they share with everyone who’s willing to open they’re hearts to they’re music. 

This post is about the fact that it made me realize that once you let a band that far in, you’ll never get them out of your heart. 

So this is it, Happy Birthday Alex. I hope every one of your dream’s come true. ”

a dear friend found this online today and showed me, and i actually teared up a bit. it amazes me that little old me could provoke this and that my words and art can touch someone this much. THIS is exactly what i mean. for all of you that think that this life is getting too hard..for all of you who think you are nothing special..for all of you who think you are ordinary…i beg you to reconsider. underneath those shy eyes and deep skin is more heart than you’ll ever know. your wings are tucked tight under there. i swear to god there must be a closet somewhere holding all of your halos on a hook behind a door just waiting to be opened. i love you guys like my family. i pray someday you know how truly blessed and special you are. thank you Kelly Murphy for the kind words and for the birthday wish…i wish you a life of laughter, long roads, easy love, and few ceilings. 

from the bottom of my heart…

thank you.